Christmas Without Dad

It'll be our first ever Christmas without Dad this year. 

For weeks since this fact began to sink in, I've been dreading this day. Not because it's totally lost its value (I still get excited every time my kids, especially Sabine, talk about receiving Santa's gifts this year), but because I'm at a loss about how to celebrate my favorite time of the year without one of my favorite people around. 

I was afraid of being judged at first, but I went ahead with not putting up a tree this year. The most I did was to put up our outdoor lights and our parol (Christmas lantern) and that's about it. My kids didn't question, they understand that this year has been tough on all of us. I promised them it will not be the same next year. I know because I believe time heals ... maybe not completely, but it does, in installments.

I'm not going to deny it. I don't know what it's going to feel like on Christmas Eve. I'm starting to feel anxious about it. Dinner and then mass without Daddy? I'm not sure what that's going to be like. 

Our family has decided to skip doing it the same way we did all these years on Christmas Eve. We can't  go back to that all-familiar place where we've been spending the night before Christmas with Dad. No, we don't intend to forget how much fun it's always been. It's just too painful still. As the years go by, I'm hoping the pain of missing him will diminish. This year though, my family will have to do things the way we feel is best for all of us. 

We're not the only ones, I know. One of my best girlfriends lost her Dad 6 days before I lost mine. There are others still. I can only pray that each of our families makes it through somehow, despite the struggle of celebrating a truly joyous occasion with much sadness in our hearts.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, DADDY...

The kids' Christmases will never be the same without you but I promise to keep your memory alive, especially on occasions such as this. 

And as this Christmas song goes ... 

But I can dream and in my dream, I'm Christmas-ing with you

I've just one wish on this Christmas Eve, I wish I were with you

Not feeling the holiday spirit yet

Been seeing shoutouts on Facebook about people starting to Christmas shop. I've always wanted to do holiday shopping earlier than the rest of the world. Have I ever gotten around to doing it? Nope. Not even when I'm without work and have all the free time to do it. I'm not so sure why. Maybe I'm a masochist. I'm a sucker for that feeling you get when you shop and you're surrounded by holiday decoration, people waiting forever at the check-out counter/cashier, long lines at the gift wrapping area. Some people I know would hate to go through all the hassle. For some strange reason, I get a kick out of being right in the middle of all the chaos. Okay, except for the monstrous traffic jams during this happy time of the year, because the streets can get really, really horribly congested. Other than that, I don't mind so much and in fact, I've crammed and shopped on Christmas Eve for the past 2-3 consecutive years. Call me crazy, because maybe I am.

We're almost halfway into September and the most I've done is look at my Christmas list. Take note, I haven't touched it. I've spent a number of hours looking for gift ideas online but haven't actually purchased anything yet.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a scrooge at all. I just don't feel the need to start this early.

To each his own, right? :)

Are you an early bird or a crammer like I am?

Christmas is in the air!

It just dawned on me. Every year I vow to go Christmas shopping early but it's never happened. I always managed to use work as an excuse. What's my excuse this year??? I've been out of work for close to 2 yrs now and I still find myself cramming and shopping at the very last minute --- yes, until the afternoon of Dec 24th hahaha. So I've come to a conclusion, I really am not that OC about holiday shopping. I'm OC about other things but not this. I'm online everyday so I could very well start buying my gifts as early as August if I want to. I know it sounds crazy, what with the terrible traffic jams, the long queues at the cashier, the jampacked parking spaces (I don't have a driver). I know a lot of people who would move heaven and earth to avoid having to deal with these holiday hassles but it seems I never learn my lesson.

This year is no exception. I haven't bought a single gift or placed an order for anything. My Christmas list is already updated, but the column that says "bought and wrapped" is totally blank. And it's already November next week! I have a list of things I want to get for people but it's all just on paper right now. Does that count? Hehehe...

I'm so sure Divisoria is overflowing with crazy holiday shoppers now but what the heck, that's usually my first stop for bulk gifts, not to mention my year-round supply of gift wrappers and ribbons, which I always buy a the end of each year. I'll have to start dropping hints with Neal to come and drive for me when I go. Then again, there's always the Greenhills tiangge which is a stone's throw away from the house. But nothing compares to Divisoria prices, of course!

Oh well...maybe I'll start moving my b*tt soon. Maybe. =p