Beautiful Words

I rarely share photos and links from other Facebook pages, but I had to make an exception while perusing my newsfeed this morning. I've been following this account that's called "Eat and Cheat Cancer Book Project", because a co-Pink Warrior is part of it and I'm interested to know what's going to be in the book. This morning, whoever is managing this account shared this :

LEAP OF FAITH

by Blanca, Volunteer and Contributing Writer

Answered prayers are not magic, they're miracles and love. And since they're love, the answer is not always a yes. Sometimes its difficult to understand why certain things happen or why things did not go as planned. Yes we know that they do happen for a reason but many times, the reason is simply lost to us.

Our faith dictates us though to trust that everything will make sense in the future. To believe with all our heart that God will reveal His great design for us in His own perfect time. It moves us to wait patiently without questioning His purpose nor demand for an answer.

His loving grace will aid us as we come to terms with our current situation. We are never alone in our painful journey, He's just right there beside us. Sometimes, we are just blinded by fear and numbed by pain that we fail to see and feel His presence.

When we want to do little else but pull pur hair out or throw our hands up in the in frustration, there's always heaven to look up to and God to call on. When we want nothing but to run up to the hills screaming in despair, there's that peak at the top where we can take that big leap of faith. God is just right there waiting to catch us with open arms.

Whoever Blanca is, I'm hoping she doesn't mind that I'm using her words as basis for this entry. They're very touching, make so much sense to me as I've never had anything so intense test my faith in God before. Never. So I know that this girl, whoever she is, must have gone through something life-changing herself. 

I suppose I'm one of the lucky ones. While I didn't understand at first why my Dad passed away the way he did  (he wasn't sick, there were none of those usual premonitions, we were totally shocked), God was so quick to show me and my family why it had to happen. I couldn't believe it. I thought I would have to wait a while, trust Him more, before He revealed the truth to us. But He truly is merciful, He saw my struggle to understand amidst having to deal with my breast cancer diagnosis while in the thick of mourning my Dad's death. Being made to understand why certain unfortunate incidents happen to you is relieving, comforting. I don't think I can be comforted enough while I continue to feel the huge void my Dad's death has left behind. But I at least know why it's there. I'll get to that comfort zone one day. Hopefully it won't take very long. 

And no, this won't be a sad weekend. In fact, I'm going to be busy attending celebrations! 

Happy Weekend, everyone! God bless us all! 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9

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Year-End Thoughts (Part 1)

Dear 2012,

I still can't put a finger on how I feel about you. It would be so easy to say I HATE YOU for all the challenges my family and I faced this year. 

Daddy passed away without warning in May

3 months later, I was in my doctor's clinic and told I have breast cancer

For anyone else who has gone through painful and major life changes this year, hatred the easiest thing to feel for the year that's about to leave us. I tell you, I am not alone in this. I can name a few people in my network who will tell me they've had it with this year, too. 

A friend lost her Mom and husband in a span of weeks

A cousin lost her father in November and brother on Christmas Day

Another friend lost her brother and was diagnosed with breast cancer months after

4 teenage boys (2 of whom are siblings), the best friends of the son of one of my girl best friends, were killed in that awful car accident in Ayala Alabang 

A young man passed away in another car accident in Valle Verde, the nephew of a friend

Seriously, I can name more.

WHAT THE HELL, 2012?!?!?!

Did you have a bone to pick with any of us? Why? What for? In my mind, you're like this kid bully in school, who is so miserable, he has to make other people miserable, too. 

But you're lucky, I'm old enough to not dwell too much on the bad. So I'll cut you some slack. 

In church yesterday, this line stood out : FINISH WELL. I guess that was the theme of the sermon because it was the last Sunday of 2012, the last worship day for everyone. The year is about to end and it's now time to look back, review, re-assess then end the year right. Many of us believe that we should never usher in a new year with pessimistic eyes. It's like being grumpy and whiny on a Monday. They say your whole week will be bad if your Monday starts out this way. 

It's really a choice one needs to make. Do I want to say goodbye to 2012 with a heavy heart and welcome 2013 with the same? Or do I want to do this...

THE BAD

Lost my Dad

Diagnosed with breast cancer (and experienced every other difficulty that goes with it)

THE GOOD

My family is much stronger and we are even closer after Daddy left us

I now have someone very dear to me who intercedes for me up there

Real friends - we now know who they are

My cancer is early stage

My lymph nodes are not compromised

My HER2 test came out negative, meaning my cancer was not the aggressive kind

My first ever bone scan turned out to be negative of any metastasis 

I recovered beautifully from the major surgeries I've had to undergo

I've not suffered the nasty side effects of chemotherapy

The Lord introduced me to wonderful, compassionate and intelligent doctors

The Lord brought people into my life to provide support, wisdom, guidance and friendship!

My doctors introduced me to new friends ... all of whom are breast cancer warriors like myself, and from whom I continue to learn about faith, strength and positivity

I've experienced an outpouring of love and concern from family, relatives, friends, even those I've never even met before - so overwhelming that it reduces me to tears each time!

I've seen and experienced kindness and a genuine desire to help, coming from all directions, like I've never seen before 

MORE IMPORTANTLY, here are the things I've learned, re-learned and gained this year:

Humility

Praying from the heart (yes, I thought I knew how to do this already)

Acceptance

That gratitude heals - I promise you it does!

A deeper love for life and everyone around me

A deeper understanding of God's love for all of us

I'm crying as I try to end this entry. Mainly because I still don't know if I should hate or love you, 2012. I gave you the credit you deserve, so I guess you're not that bad. Nonetheless, I can't wait to say goodbye to you tonight. 

I'll never ever forget you, that's for sure. But I know that soon enough, and because 2013 will be AWESOME, I'll look back at you and say

Thanks for giving me all that crap because it's making me appreciate all the amazing things I have today!!!