Pre-Graduation Day Thoughts (plus today's)

I wrote and posted this entry yesterday in my 2nd blog (the one that details my breast cancer journey) Grace Anatomy

I was at my Onco's clinic yesterday for the routine check prior to a chemo cycle. The envelope containing my blood test results in my purse, I prayed for everything to turn out well and to be told that chemo was going to push through as planned, and not delayed. To cut a long story short, she saw no reason to delay my FINAL chemo cycle. It's happening tomorrow.

In the car on the way home, my mind went into overdrive. 

Last chemo cycle? Really? I remember what it was like for me on that very first day, October 23rd last year, to be exact. I prayed hard for peace and a total feeling of calmness. I was anxious but I didn't make it seem obvious. In fact, I had a mini panic attack without anyone knowing it, not even N. I was to find out later on that this is such a common reaction amongst chemo patients. 

I also started to think about the women I've met so far along the way ... those who graduated ahead of me, those who are a few steps behind me and those who are just about to embark on the same journey. I want to go to each of them to tell them to be patient because they WILL get to the finish line. I know what it feels like to be in their shoes, I totally understand. 

I told N that I want to bring food for the nurses on duty when I go for my last dose. This is going to be our way of thanking them for the work and to say goodbye. They've already told me before and I guess this is what they always tell their chemo patients : they pray they won't see me ever again in the chemo unit. God knows this will be one of my most fervent prayers from now on. 

I'm getting teary-eyed as I conclude this entry. 

To the person who is reading this and who has read every single entry in this blog so far, I thank you for joining me on this leg. I hope you will continue to accompany me as I try my best to live healthy keep the f*cker out of my life. 

And today?

Graduation Day. I can't believe I'm saying that. I'm digressing a bit from my usual topics so I hope you can indulge me. This is a really huge thing for me and for my family. The past 4 months (chemo officially started on October 23rd last year), have been extremely challenging and rewarding at the same time. It's very difficult to put into words exactly what it was like for me, for all of us. There was one time when I thought I wanted to stop. Chemo is NOT fun. It can take the wind out of your sails if you allow it. You have to constantly work on being positive and when you're physically affected by something like chemo, it becomes a real struggle to do that. I have so many people to thank because my positivity never ran out. Their prayers have kept me going all throughout this chapter of my breast cancer journey. 

My last chemo cycle takes place at 1pm today. I've been feeling emotional about this day for a while now. Just thinking about graduating tears me up. I can't believe I'm actually going to do it. But I really couldn't have done it by myself. That part though, deserves a separate blog entry. 

Parenthood on Breast Cancer

I've been hooked on this show for quite sometime now, since a fellow TV series addict told me to watch it. Recently, in the 4th season, one of its main characters, Kristina Braverman (played by Monica Potter) was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is a wife and mother to 2 children in this series. 

The episodes following that revelation have reduced me to tears each time, thinking of my own journey and how it's affecting all of my loved ones. But there's a huge difference between Kristina and myself, as far as this life-threatening illness is concerned. She didn't take the diagnosis so well. She was angry and in denial for a while. Plus, she suffered terribly from the side effects of chemotherapy. In one episode, her husband even allowed her to smoke pot to provide some comfort from the nausea and all the crappiness that chemotherapy can make a cancer patient go through. 

I can't help but feel so blessed, because after 3 cycles, I can happily say I've never been a total wreck like she has. I had my 4th cycle today and people say the side effects will be a bit more difficult to deal with this time. I'm nervous but I'd like to think that I'm prepared. 

In this latest episode, Kristina finally shows up minus hair. I can totally relate! 

Breast cancer is so real. It's there and it's affecting more and more women as the years progress. 

In fact, my Mom texted me tonight, saying that someone from her church group informed them she had just been diagnosed with cancerous growths in one breast. There are apparently more than one but she's only had a mammo and a breast sono so far. The next step would be to do a biopsy. It's an all too familiar feeling for me. The news immediately brought me back to that fateful day in August 2012 when I was told I have breast cancer. I can only pray that things will turn out for her the way they did for me --- one miracle after another since diagnosis. I now have one more name to add to my prayer list. 

I have a new friend who also had her mastectomy and reconstructive surgery yesterday. She's slightly younger than me and has 3 kids. I'm sure the number will keep growing. If only I could convince every woman in my circle to be more vigilant about it.  

I kinda had to stop watching this episode earlier, because I was afraid of ruining my outlook just before my chemo at 1pm. Time to finish what I started.

My Heart Melted

I asked one of my best girlfriends to look for this book. I wanted Sabine to have it. Despite having explained breast cancer to her, I wasn't so sure she understood everything. This book would be able to "discuss" it with her the way she would grasp it best. The book arrived today (thank you, Ninang Chiqui!!!) and I had Sabine read it right away and she excitedly did.

Moments later, I was surprised when she handed me a piece of paper with doodle on it. Not surprised that she made something because writing and drawing are what she always does when she feels like expressing herself. I was surprised because she did it in reaction to what she just read.

Awwwwww! 

The drawing is much bigger than this but this is the part that touched me the most. Who would think that a 6-year old did this? Well, yeah ... the drawing of me is a slight giveaway hehehe. But she really is mature for her age. I don't know what prompted her to assure me of her presence but it's just so wonderful that she did. I particularly love the "Praise God" part. She told me that she learned this in Sunday School. Clap clap clap!

This is one of the best feelings ever! When my child tells me how much she loves me, it just totally erases every bit of bad vibe in my body. Not that I have a lot but Mommies, you know what I'm driving at, right? Sigh. I'm just so thankful because this really convinces me that my children are stronger than I think. I really shouldn't underestimate them. Then again, I'm a Mom and my job is to worry about them constantly. 

Masarap na mahirap ang maging isang magulang. Agree? 

Grace Anatomy - my new blog

Since the weekend, I've been busy with my other blog ... the one where I decided to migrate all my breast cancer-related entries. I met and was interviewed by Cathy Babao last Friday, Oct 12 for her column in the Philippine Daily Inquirer. 

She was the one who urged me to start a new blog, which is focused on my journey with breast cancer. I really considered doing this earlier on, but I was too lazy to think about it. She convinced me that it was the wise thing to do, if I really wanted to speak to a specific group of people. 

And so ... 

Grace Anatomy was born! 

Please take the time to see my medical updates and see how God continues to bless me with His grace as I move forward and travel in the direction He has pointed me to. 

I'll continue to maintain this site for all my usual stories :)

Hope you're all well!

For The Sake of My Daughters

While it's not confirmed that my daughters have the "gene", I'm still committed to learning more about breast cancer and what people are doing to help improve survival rates, provide options for treatments and what not. My daughters won't have to deal with this issue for many years but I want them to be properly informed. I can only ensure they know enough by arming myself with enough information.

I came across this article on the Huffington Post today which talks about the latest (2012) findings on breast cancer. It's a really interesting read which can help those who are pre-disposed to the disease by way of family history. 

Please follow this link to get to the article and spend some time reading it. It's really insightful.

On another note ... it's Sabine's report card day today. First time since she entered the big school! Normally, it's tough waking her up early on weekends but look!

She was so excited to leave for school this morning with her Dada. Unfortunately, my lower back decided to throw a friggin' tantrum today. It's been taking most of the crap as a result of my surgeries. If it could only speak, it would've thrown a lot of cuss words my way by now. 

It's the weekend, everyone! Time to relax, forget about work and just enjoy being with family!

Breast Cancer Awareness Campaigns

Breast Cancer is the most common type of cancer that hits women. As such, people all over the world support causes to find a cure, raise funds for those who are in need (for surgeries and treatments), or simply to remember and honour those who were not so fortunate to have survived it. 

This is one of the reasons I don't feel too bad about getting it. I know that each year, new studies are done. If this continues, doctors will always find new options for patients. It will only get easier as the years go by! 

Since my diagnosis, I've received so many gifts. A couple of them are from friends who are into nail polish. I've received two sets of BC Awareness collections from different brands. I came across this today on Facebook ... 

To tell you honestly, I was never a huge fan of the color pink. These shades look so tempting though, and the names that were coined for each make it even more difficult to resist getting them. Yes, I can really, really relate! Plus, Essie is really my favorite brand of all. I became a fan of Essie in the early 2000's, when it was newly-introduced here. 

Their slogan hits home, too.  I can't go through this experience alone. The fact that I'm surrounded by a lot of people who care about me have made this journey so much easier for me to be on. 

And look at this ... in observance of October as Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Another brand I like has its own campaign

Sigh! So much eye candy!

I waaaaaaant!

My Cancer Calendar

I've been able to document everything so far, but here are the dates gathered in one entry : 

August 13, 2012

In the morning, I discovered the lump in my left breast 

In the afternoon, I was at my OB-Gyne's clinic to have her look at the lump

August 14, 2012

I met Dr. Aldine Basa, Breast Surgeon, for the first time upon my OB's reco
She ordered a breast ultrasound for the next day

August 15, 2012

Underwent a breast ultrasound at the Breast Clinic of The Medical City

August 16, 2012

Reading of breast ultrasound c/o Dr. Basa (highly suspicious of malignancy)
Further testing recommended
Core Needle Biopsy scheduled for the next day

August 17, 2012

Core Needle Biopsy Procedure at the Breast Clinic of The Medical City

Then this is where it got REALLY challenging. August 17 was a Friday. The weekend that followed was a very long one --- 4 days. Work resumed on Wednesday, August 22, but Dr. Basa's clinic at TMC was on August 23! We waited that long to know the results of the biopsy!

August 23, 2012 - the day my life changed

Reading of core needle biopsy result c/o Dr. Basa
Verdict : "it's not good..." Lump is malignant, positive of cancer
I was told that I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma and it looks like it's at stage 2.

At this point, Dr Basa gave me all my options, told me that I would have to undergo a mastectomy of the left breast because a lumpectomy would only deform the breast severely. I was also presented with the option of having reconstructive breast surgery c/o Dr. Catherine (Yen) Asedillo. N and I were given 2 weeks to explore, research, decide.

August 24, 2012

We went to the UST Hospital, to Dr. Renato Reyes, Surgeon, for a 2nd opinion. He gave us so much hope by telling me that my lymph nodes were uncompromised (no cancer cells have crawled to the immediate area in the armpit). He also was more specific about the staging --- 2a, early stage. Yes! Although the diagnosis was purely clinical at this point, it definitely made me more positive than ever.

(Fast forward to) September 12, 2012

The day of the surgeries in TMC
I chose to have a Skin Sparing Mastectomy, Reconstructive Breast Surgery (Tram Flap), Sentinel Nodes Dissection and Frozen Section Biopsy. My doctors also discovered during the procedure that I had hernia from my pregnancies so they repaired it. I went through so much and was out and under general anaesthesia for more than 8 hours.

September 17, 2012

I was discharged from the hospital and was back home by dinner time.

And again ... fast forward to today, October 4, 2012

Still in recovery but recovering so well! Waiting to heal completely before my 6 cycles of chemotherapy treatments start on the week of October 22.

As you will notice, I didn't waste time since I discovered my lump on August 13. I hate to say it but I've been to Medical City more often than I would like. But I want to get this over with, I need to get well. The chemo sessions will end this very challenging chapter.

I can't wait!

P.S. I asked my doctor (because I wanted to hear it from an expert's mouth) if I can officially say that the cancer is out and she said that since there was no metastasis discovered during surgery and the lump was successfully extracted, the answer is YES :) :) :)

Know Your Lemons

This is so cute!

I decided that it should be my new Facebook cover photo as well as my Twitter background

How well do you know your lemons?

Here's more

Very creative and clever!

Source: Worldwidebreastcancer.com

What Are The Odds and Thoughts on Chemo

Was going through my old blog entries just now and I came across one that I wrote years ago, in 2007. I talked about going to Cardinal Santos Hospital with Mama as she underwent a Bone Density test (or atleast that's what I recall). I sat in the reception area of the Cancer Wing while waiting for her to come out and saw a few chemo patients stepping out in bandanas and baseball caps. They probably came from their out-patient chemo sessions.

This piece was written on September 28, 2007 --- almost 5 years ago.

Who would think that I would one day be a chemotherapy patient myself? 

AND SPEAKING OF CHEMO ...

After my surgery, I told so many people about my lymph nodes having been found to be negative of cancer because the cancer didn't spread from my tumor. The tumor has since been taken out and my body is technically cancer-free. 

But when I mentioned chemotherapy sessions as a next step, people asked

WHY DO YOU STILL HAVE TO HAVE CHEMO IF THE CANCER DIDN'T SPREAD AND YOUR TUMOR IS NOW GONE?

I had an answer for all of those who asked, but I wanted to make sure I was also coming from a medical standpoint. In other words, I wanted to make sure I was giving out the CORRECT reply. So yesterday, during my follow-up check-up with Dr Aldine Basa, I requested her for an answer.

Here is the official reply to the million-Peso question: 

If a patient's tumor is more than 1 centimeter in size, the patient is always recommended to undergo chemotherapy after surgery. Why? The bigger the size of the tumor, the bigger the possibility of a recurrence WITHOUT chemotherapy. 

My tumor was 4 centimeters big. Need I say more? 

My initial thoughts on chemotherapy? 

I'm quite nervous about it. First of all, I don't enjoy having a needle stuck through my vein. It hurts, even if my doctors say my tolerance for pain is high. I'm not scared of needles, I just don't like the idea of an IV because the experience is not brief. Another thing I'm not quite sure of is how I'm going to feel when my hair starts to fall. Some have told me, I should consider cutting my hair short now, weeks before chemo starts. That way, when it starts to fall, it could be less painful (emotionally of course) because I'll see a lot less hair than if I were to go into chemo with my hair length now. I think it makes sense. But someone told me, wait until after the first session maybe? Because normally the hair doesn't fall 'til after that. I don't know. I'm confused. I don't really want to think about it so much yet. 

My wounds aren't even completely healed. First things first! 

Enjoy what's left of the weekend and have a blessed Sunday!

SIX

6 is the number of women (mostly friends) who have reached out to me to let me know that they're going to have their breasts checked from now on. YAY!!!

I'm not going to turn hard core preacher about getting annual mammograms, because I know how irritating that is. Nothing and no one was able to convince me to have my breasts checked. Ultimately, it's really the person's choice. I can only hope that the women in my circle (especially those who are predisposed to breast cancer) will be inspired --- or scared haha --- enough to take the next important step towards early detection. 

This photo is so funny but so true! 

I hope we all have an awesome and uneventful weekend! 

Excited to watch the UAAP Cheerdance Competition on TV later!