To My Dearest Anissa (on your 13th birthday)

I swear that if I close my eyes and think hard enough, I can still see you...

LYING BESIDE ME on my hospital bed while I wondered how on earth I gave birth to an 8.5 pound baby

CRYING SO HARD almost every night at 2 months because you were very colick-y

LAUGHING AND SCREAMING everytime you were in the tub for your bath

RUNNING AROUND with your curly hair (ala Shirley Temple pigtails) bouncing up and down

SITTING QUIETLY at a children's party, your eyes wide open while trying to absorb the sights

SINGING "Tomorrow" from Annie while I pretended to listen intently, tape recorder hidden somewhere so I could capture your beautiful voice

TUGGING AT MY SHIRT saying, "Mommy, I wanna go on the carousel AGAIN!" (at Shang Mall where you used to take 3,4,5 rides one after another)

WALKING STRAIGHT INTO your pre-school classroom, without any anxiety

BASKING IN Lolo and Momsie's love and affection as only grandchild for 10 years before Sabine arrived

TODAY though, things are very, very different.

You no longer tug at my shirt when you need something...your curls are gone (because we had your hair relaxed 2 weeks ago, per your request)...you refuse to sing for me or anyone for that matter because "Mom, I just don't want to!"...you don't want to be seen with me when you're around your friends...you know that you're still Lolo and Momsie's original baby but you hate it and squirm when they smother you.

Proof that you've really grown up! I wish you could be a baby forever but we both know that's not gonna happen. To me though, you'll always be just that --- my baby. My FIRSTBORN and the one I give credit to for the many firsts that happened in my life. You and I have gone through so much. Sometimes, despite what people see on the outside, I think you're made of tougher stuff. At a very young age, you were unintentionally thrown into difficult situations but I never had any reason to worry because you stood strong and have grown up to be level-headed, mature in some ways and extremely smart. For that, let me just say (if I don't say it often enough) how truly proud I am of you!

The road ahead will be both exciting and scary because it's new. But trust that I'll be around all the time to make sure you go through these next few years with as little difficulty as possible. I too am excited and scared because I know my skills will be put to many tests...some of which, I might fail. I hope that God grants you a heart that's forgiving enough so that you can understand that the bottomline is always : I only want what's best for you.

HAPPY HAPPY 13th BIRTHDAY, BIG GIRL!!!
THERE IS SO MUCH LOVE IN MOMMY'S HEART FOR YOU!!!

The world will turn, and the seasons will change...and all the lessons we will learn, will be beautiful and strange. We'll have our fill of tears, our share of sighs...My only prayer is that you realize...you'll always be beautiful in my eyes...