My Birthday and the Blues

This year, for the first time ever, the birthday blues are real for me. I feel like I go through it every time my birthday is coming up but come to think of it, it was all just drama. I didn't have any valid reason for feeling sad on my birthday ever. 

Urban Dictionary defines it as : a general sadness or feeling down by a person on or around his birthday. The factors that can cause this include: 

Being upset at officially aging another year

Being disappointed or not having expectations met by a birthday celebration or gifts.

Being unsatisfied with accomplishments since the previous birthday.

Oddly, these reasons sound so funny to me. They've never applied. First of all, I've never felt seriously upset about adding another candle to my already jampacked birthday cake. In fact, it's the least of my concerns up to now. Expectations not met? Maybe but not enough to give me the b-blues. Unsatisfied with accomplishments? Still a no. I've worked my *ss off for so many years, I think I've done a good job raising my kids despite the fact that I'm not perfect. N and I have been together for 12 years and that, too, is an achievement as far as I'm concerned. So no, sorry, none of the above! 

But this year, the b-blues have a reason for being here. 

I need not say more.

This was at my birthday celebration in 2011, HEAT Edsa Shangri-la

The year before that, my birthday celebration at The Stock Market in Boni High Street

This year, the photos won't include him, but he'll be around and I'm 101% sure of it. The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow as a 44-year old will be to cry (I'm also 101% sure of that hehe!). I'll cry because for so long, the first greeting I always received was my Dad's. My birthday is the only time of the year he calls me "my original baby girl". But I'll also cry when I thank God for allowing me to get to where I am, inspite of the challenges this year.

I've been trying to recall what Dad's last birthday gift to me was. I think it was money and I spent it right away, that's why I don't remember haha. But seriously, I can't imagine celebrating every birthday from now on without him there. The Daddy's Girl will probably always cry on her birthday starting tomorrow, knowing that there will be one less person to greet her.

Thanks, Daddy, for all the bongga birthday celebrations and gifts you've given me all these years. You can now tell God directly what you want Him to give me for my birthday. Just look into my heart and you'll find it there. I miss you big time and I love you forever.