Friday, November 16, 2012

My Birthday and the Blues



This year, for the first time ever, the birthday blues are real for me. I feel like I go through it every time my birthday is coming up but come to think of it, it was all just drama. I didn't have any valid reason for feeling sad on my birthday ever. 


Urban Dictionary defines it as : a general sadness or feeling down by a person on or around his birthday. The factors that can cause this include: 

Being upset at officially aging another year
Being disappointed or not having expectations met by a birthday celebration or gifts.
Being unsatisfied with accomplishments since the previous birthday.

Oddly, these reasons sound so funny to me. They've never applied. First of all, I've never felt seriously upset about adding another candle to my already jampacked birthday cake. In fact, it's the least of my concerns up to now. Expectations not met? Maybe but not enough to give me the b-blues. Unsatisfied with accomplishments? Still a no. I've worked my *ss off for so many years, I think I've done a good job raising my kids despite the fact that I'm not perfect. N and I have been together for 12 years and that, too, is an achievement as far as I'm concerned. So no, sorry, none of the above! 

But this year, the b-blues have a reason for being here. 

I need not say more.


This was at my birthday celebration in 2011, HEAT Edsa Shangri-la


The year before that, my birthday celebration at The Stock Market in Boni High Street

This year, the photos won't include him, but he'll be around and I'm 101% sure of it. The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow as a 44-year old will be to cry (I'm also 101% sure of that hehe!). I'll cry because for so long, the first greeting I always received was my Dad's. My birthday is the only time of the year he calls me "my original baby girl". But I'll also cry when I thank God for allowing me to get to where I am, inspite of the challenges this year.

I've been trying to recall what Dad's last birthday gift to me was. I think it was money and I spent it right away, that's why I don't remember haha. But seriously, I can't imagine celebrating every birthday from now on without him there. The Daddy's Girl will probably always cry on her birthday starting tomorrow, knowing that there will be one less person to greet her.

Thanks, Daddy, for all the bongga birthday celebrations and gifts you've given me all these years. You can now tell God directly what you want Him to give me for my birthday. Just look into my heart and you'll find it there. I miss you big time and I love you forever. 

13 comments:

  1. advance happy birthday, ms.patty :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you very much, Larisse :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Advance Happy Birthday

    ReplyDelete
  4. Amanda Buencamino ManiquisNovember 16, 2012 at 11:13 AM

    Every birthday is a blessing! Happy birthday to you who has been so strong and courageous in all your trials lately! You deserve anything special, including a clean bill of health!!! And God will see to it that you get it. Here's wishing you a day filled with happiness and let the good memories be a part of your day. Happy birthday Patty!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Advance happy birthday Ate Patty! As always, your post made me shed a tear. I'm wishing for your speedy recovery and praying for you & your family. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks, Tita Manda! <3

    ReplyDelete
  7. belated happy birthday! our loves ones will always be a part of us and our wounds may heal from their departure of this world but we won't forget them.

    i do hope in time you'll cry less and less on your birthday just because you know that even your dad isn't physically around, his legacy and memories are with you always. more importantly, he'll be in the Lord's arms for eternity.

    you are blessed! for God loves you so so much. (^__^)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Really appreciate the comforting words :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I've been a follower of your blog & i only discovered now that this man I always see in Eastwood Mall (usually by the veranda in Italiani's with his MacBook & cigar) is your dad. We live in the area so we always saw him around. Sorry to hear what happened to him. im sure he lived a full life. My husband even mentioned one time when we saw him that when he retires he wants to do what your dad was doing :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is awesome. You're the 2nd person who has told me this same thing. Yes, that's him and no one else. Funny but very recently one of the waiters there told my Mom that sometimes they can still smell his cigar in the afternoons. Thanks for letting me know.

    ReplyDelete
  11. This post made me cry :(

    ReplyDelete