Thursday, February 9, 2012

On picking your battles

Tonight, my teenager asked for some advice (rare, huh? I totally cherish these moments!). She's attending a Cheering Camp this weekend and is a bit worried about seeing some girls from another school, who ganged up on her on Twitter some months ago. She's never seen these girls in person and is almost sure they will be in the same event. Her questions were, "What if we're asked to introduce ourselves and they recognize me? What if they remind me about what happened on Twitter?"

My answer was straightforward and simple.

She asked me to explain further and so I did.

(Note that I can be a total b*tch when the situation calls for it,
especially where my kids are involved.)

I simply told her ... if they recognize you but don't say anything --- don't say anything.
If they recognize you, approach you and initiate a discussion about what happened before, tell them yes, that was you and no, you don't want to revive the issue because it's been long dead. If they want to dwell on it, just say they can do it themselves because you won't be part of it.

I've told her over and over again that I never want her to start a fight with anyone. Not even if she feels that person deserves it. BUT. I also tell her to never ever back out of one, especially when she knows she's right and has to speak up.

However, the bottomline here is ... if you don't really care about the person, if he/she means nothing to you and if you can live without him/her/them, then they're not worth the effort. There will be no need to explain or defend yourself, because what they think
of you shouldn't matter at all.

It took years for me to process this. I've had my share of petty fights and arguments that I now look back on as an absolute waste of time. I hope to God my daughters won't have to deal so much with difficult people as they grow up. But that's beyond my control, and I can only be around to make sure they're properly equipped to handle tough situations.

It's tough holding back and allowing our kids to pick and fight their own battles. But I'd rather do this than raise clueless and defenseless children.

God bless mine.


  1. I love what you have written. I am a mom of 3 girls, 2 pre-teens and a pre-schooler. It's true of what you have written. We can only do so much as mothers. Thanks for sharing it.

  2. Hi Grechie! Happy to reinforce your belief. What's important to me is to prepare them for all the battles that lie ahead ... and knowing that I've taught them well. Have a good day!