Monday, October 1, 2012

Sad Days, Bad Days

I don't possess super powers so yes ... despite this really positive attitude, I do have my share of sad/bad days. They don't come too often, so I'm still very fortunate. But when they do, they sometimes wear me down to the point of just wanting to withdraw from everything and keep to myself until the feeling goes away. Sometimes it stays only for a short while, other times it decides to go on an unwanted extension. 

It's hardly about my illness, because I have so much to be thankful for in that department. The sad days I have are due mostly to the fact that I'm still mourning my Dad's loss. It's been a little over 4 months, so it's pretty much still fresh. 

At times, I'm thankful he's no longer around, because I know he'll be so stressed out about my breast cancer. Other times (and this is the self-centered me talking), I just really wish he were still with us, regardless of the situation.

A very good friend of the family gave me this advice :

Just allow yourself space ... breathe out negative feelings, breathe in love
Breathe out worry, breathe in trust in God's Divine Mercy
Know that your Dad will always want you to be happy

Being the cry baby that I am, I naturally bawled as soon as I read her message. But it was a good bawl, one big one to finally (hopefully) put an end to this spell.

I guess these moments will always happen at given times, for if it were smooth-sailing all the time, it will be so easy for us to forget to call on God.

To quote one of my favorite songs ...

Just what is it in me, sometimes I just don't know what keeps me in Your love
Why You never let me go
Take me out of the dark, my Lord
I don't wanna be there

I won't allow this entry to end on a sad note. I just want to say that I went to the South today with N and Sabine while Anissa was still in school. We had to pick up some stuff that my Aunt and Uncle sent from the US then we met up with one of my BFFs for a quickie lunch. I had Chicken Inasal again after a long while, plus a huge serving of Sago't Gulaman. Yum yum!!! Too bad the trip proved to be "too far, too soon" for me. As soon as I got home, I was drained! I fell asleep and woke up to the smell of dinner. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to move around more than usual today. It is such a blessing to be recovering beautifully!

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