Some random thoughts on FORGIVENESS

Forgive and forget.  I've heard (and been told) this line quite a few times in this lifetime.  How many of us find it so much easier to do the former than the latter?  Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, right?

Forgiving is a way for a person to let go and to begin moving on, thus, allowing himself/herself to eventually heal.  It's a gift we should give ourselves, not the person who caused us pain.  By forgiving, we decide to live in the present and not in the past. 

I like what Frederic Luskin, Ph.D., said: 

Forgiving doesn't always  mean resuming a relationship with whoever has hurt you.  If a person won't meet you halfway or has been abusive it may be better to forgive simply to make your life less stressful, but continue to keep your distance.  That way, you can protect yourself but still reap the benefits.

It's always a sad and unfortunate thing when you experience being hurt by someone you thought was the last person to do so.  You find yourself in absolute shock, trying to comprehend where it's all coming from and why you're being targetted.  But after a while, it sinks in and you start to take the proper route by empathizing with that person.  You tell yourself not to take it personally because this person obviously has a lot of personal issues to deal with and you happen to be at the wrong place and time.  It is at this point where you first consider the possibility of forgiveness.

But I couldn't agree with Mr. Luskin more.  There are some relationships that need to be either put on hold or completely altered, after a conflict takes place.  In order to protect ourselves from possibly getting hurt again, we decide to set boundaries.  Better safe than sorry, if you ask me.  

Distance, as they say, is not always a bad thing.  In some cases, distance is the key to forgetting don't you think?