Thursday, February 21, 2013

Pre-Graduation Day Thoughts (plus today's)

I wrote and posted this entry yesterday in my 2nd blog (the one that details my breast cancer journey) Grace Anatomy

I was at my Onco's clinic yesterday for the routine check prior to a chemo cycle. The envelope containing my blood test results in my purse, I prayed for everything to turn out well and to be told that chemo was going to push through as planned, and not delayed. To cut a long story short, she saw no reason to delay my FINAL chemo cycle. It's happening tomorrow.

In the car on the way home, my mind went into overdrive. 

Last chemo cycle? Really? I remember what it was like for me on that very first day, October 23rd last year, to be exact. I prayed hard for peace and a total feeling of calmness. I was anxious but I didn't make it seem obvious. In fact, I had a mini panic attack without anyone knowing it, not even N. I was to find out later on that this is such a common reaction amongst chemo patients. 

I also started to think about the women I've met so far along the way ... those who graduated ahead of me, those who are a few steps behind me and those who are just about to embark on the same journey. I want to go to each of them to tell them to be patient because they WILL get to the finish line. I know what it feels like to be in their shoes, I totally understand. 

I told N that I want to bring food for the nurses on duty when I go for my last dose. This is going to be our way of thanking them for the work and to say goodbye. They've already told me before and I guess this is what they always tell their chemo patients : they pray they won't see me ever again in the chemo unit. God knows this will be one of my most fervent prayers from now on. 

I'm getting teary-eyed as I conclude this entry. 

To the person who is reading this and who has read every single entry in this blog so far, I thank you for joining me on this leg. I hope you will continue to accompany me as I try my best to live healthy keep the f*cker out of my life. 

And today?

Graduation Day. I can't believe I'm saying that. I'm digressing a bit from my usual topics so I hope you can indulge me. This is a really huge thing for me and for my family. The past 4 months (chemo officially started on October 23rd last year), have been extremely challenging and rewarding at the same time. It's very difficult to put into words exactly what it was like for me, for all of us. There was one time when I thought I wanted to stop. Chemo is NOT fun. It can take the wind out of your sails if you allow it. You have to constantly work on being positive and when you're physically affected by something like chemo, it becomes a real struggle to do that. I have so many people to thank because my positivity never ran out. Their prayers have kept me going all throughout this chapter of my breast cancer journey. 

My last chemo cycle takes place at 1pm today. I've been feeling emotional about this day for a while now. Just thinking about graduating tears me up. I can't believe I'm actually going to do it. But I really couldn't have done it by myself. That part though, deserves a separate blog entry. 

No comments:

Post a Comment