This entry is untitled because I'm lost...not for words but for what to call this mind-boggling, hair raising, heart-wrenching, possibly life-altering experience.
It's 1030 in the morning...I'm watching Criminal Minds and I get a text from someone very close to me. This person has a very special gift. She's not a psychic or a seer. She was in prayer like she is most of the time and says her thoughts were interrupted by a message and my name kept flashing in her mind. That meant the message that she was getting was undoubtedly for me. Here's what she texted me...
God placed you in difficult situations but - "I am knocking in your heart but you are not listening. You have allowed many barriers to MY love. You have forgotten ME. COME. Tell me your heartaches and your longings. Tell me the baffled purpose. Remove the barriers to MY love...I Am Who I Am. I am in the faces of the people around you. Everything you possess came from ME. I do not wish to take them away so you will notice ME. I am in the faces of those around you. Look closely.
I was reading this and immediately I felt weighed down. Not by the message but more by my own realization that every word in it speaks the truth. It's like hearing the voice speaking to me directly and telling me to shape up. What's really affecting me even now as I type is the fact that I know I've taken too long in deciding what to do about my spiritual life. I've hidden behind the excuse that I'm confused and these things need to be thought of carefully. But in reality, what I've done is I've taken everything for granted. I've positioned myself as ready for the taking by "the other side" by neglecting my obligations. I've been waiting to be shown the way and I haven't done my part to find the answers. There are times when Neal asks me straight and lectures me about it but I blow him off by telling him to give me more time. I didn't really need time. I needed an awakening.
I haven't been able to control my tears since I received the text.
It's time.
No more excuses.
No more waiting.
I'm going to stop lying to myself.
I owe this not just to myself but to my children...because I don't want them to pay for the mistakes I've made in my life.It's 1030 in the morning...I'm watching Criminal Minds and I get a text from someone very close to me. This person has a very special gift. She's not a psychic or a seer. She was in prayer like she is most of the time and says her thoughts were interrupted by a message and my name kept flashing in her mind. That meant the message that she was getting was undoubtedly for me. Here's what she texted me...
God placed you in difficult situations but - "I am knocking in your heart but you are not listening. You have allowed many barriers to MY love. You have forgotten ME. COME. Tell me your heartaches and your longings. Tell me the baffled purpose. Remove the barriers to MY love...I Am Who I Am. I am in the faces of the people around you. Everything you possess came from ME. I do not wish to take them away so you will notice ME. I am in the faces of those around you. Look closely.
I was reading this and immediately I felt weighed down. Not by the message but more by my own realization that every word in it speaks the truth. It's like hearing the voice speaking to me directly and telling me to shape up. What's really affecting me even now as I type is the fact that I know I've taken too long in deciding what to do about my spiritual life. I've hidden behind the excuse that I'm confused and these things need to be thought of carefully. But in reality, what I've done is I've taken everything for granted. I've positioned myself as ready for the taking by "the other side" by neglecting my obligations. I've been waiting to be shown the way and I haven't done my part to find the answers. There are times when Neal asks me straight and lectures me about it but I blow him off by telling him to give me more time. I didn't really need time. I needed an awakening.
I haven't been able to control my tears since I received the text.
It's time.
No more excuses.
No more waiting.
I'm going to stop lying to myself.
IT'S TIME.
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