I think there was a reason why I remembered all of a sudden last night that I hadn't read the day's papers yet. After going through the headlines and reading yesterday's dose of comedy in Baby Blues, my next stop was the Entertainment/Lifestyle section, as always.
Then there it was. A published email sent in by someone named Tia Salonga. This is the part that struck me most, I had to read it three times:
It's a real shame, this mentality that it's admirable for a woman to turn her back on her career...for a man.
Have we not learned enough from the lessons of Gretchen Barretto, Marjorie Barretto and Ruffa Gutierrez to name a few? Let's forget gender for one second. Isn't it better if a lifetime partner has a life of his/her own that he/she can bring to the table? For a woman, the best way to achieve this is by constantly learning and playing an active role in society; by staying physically healthy and financially independent while also performing the roles of mother and partner. In the same way, she should expect her husband to take care of himself and be an informed and participatory parent.
Very well said, Ms. Salonga. I want to send you an email to let you know that I'm grateful for being led to your email.
For many weeks now, I've battled with my own hyperactive mind on whether to go back to work or remain a SAHM. After all, it's only been less than 2 yrs since I quit my high-paying job in a multinational company to give birth to my second child who's now a little over a year old. But no matter what I do, I keep coming back to the same conclusion : I'm not cut out for domestic diva-ness. I'm just not the type who wakes up in the morning and looks forward to cleaning, cooking and running household errands. The only thing I'm excited about is the quality time I get to spend with both my girls --- that's priceless. But to me, that's not all that being a SAHM is all about. Finally after many sleepless nights and conversations with friends, I decided a few weeks ago that it was time to assume the role that's really meant for me and that is the role of a working Mom.
Many might find this move selfish. A few will think I'm stupid for wanting to give it all up. But it's a matter of choice. Some women find more than enough fulfillment in taking care of the family. Some just feel the need to do more. I recently came to the realization that I belong to the latter group. I'm grateful to have been given the rare opportunity to be a SAHM but it's time to stop pretending that I can be most effective as a person this way. This isn't the role I was born to play.
Do I feel guilty about changing my mind? No doubt. I haven't even started working again and already, I'm starting to feel a bit of separation anxiety coming on. I know I'll have a tough time adjusting but I've done it before (after giving birth to my eldest) and I know the difficulty doesn't last very long. As long as I focus on my purpose, I'll be fine.
So now I'm back in the market, looking for work. If I can find something that's less demanding than what I used to do (nevermind if I have to suffer a slight pay cut), that would be a great bonus. Otherwise, I believe I'm ready to face the challenge again. A huge part of me can't wait to be financially independent like I used to. I can't begin to say how much my self-esteem has suffered since I decided to stay home.
Hopefully my girls will understand when they're older. I know one of the things I'm going to teach them is the value of self-reliance. I want my girls to grow up fully-aware of their capabilities and strengths.
Wish me luck on my jobhunt!
P.S.
You can read the rest of Ms. Salonga's email HERE.
Then there it was. A published email sent in by someone named Tia Salonga. This is the part that struck me most, I had to read it three times:
It's a real shame, this mentality that it's admirable for a woman to turn her back on her career...for a man.
Have we not learned enough from the lessons of Gretchen Barretto, Marjorie Barretto and Ruffa Gutierrez to name a few? Let's forget gender for one second. Isn't it better if a lifetime partner has a life of his/her own that he/she can bring to the table? For a woman, the best way to achieve this is by constantly learning and playing an active role in society; by staying physically healthy and financially independent while also performing the roles of mother and partner. In the same way, she should expect her husband to take care of himself and be an informed and participatory parent.
Very well said, Ms. Salonga. I want to send you an email to let you know that I'm grateful for being led to your email.
For many weeks now, I've battled with my own hyperactive mind on whether to go back to work or remain a SAHM. After all, it's only been less than 2 yrs since I quit my high-paying job in a multinational company to give birth to my second child who's now a little over a year old. But no matter what I do, I keep coming back to the same conclusion : I'm not cut out for domestic diva-ness. I'm just not the type who wakes up in the morning and looks forward to cleaning, cooking and running household errands. The only thing I'm excited about is the quality time I get to spend with both my girls --- that's priceless. But to me, that's not all that being a SAHM is all about. Finally after many sleepless nights and conversations with friends, I decided a few weeks ago that it was time to assume the role that's really meant for me and that is the role of a working Mom.
Many might find this move selfish. A few will think I'm stupid for wanting to give it all up. But it's a matter of choice. Some women find more than enough fulfillment in taking care of the family. Some just feel the need to do more. I recently came to the realization that I belong to the latter group. I'm grateful to have been given the rare opportunity to be a SAHM but it's time to stop pretending that I can be most effective as a person this way. This isn't the role I was born to play.
Do I feel guilty about changing my mind? No doubt. I haven't even started working again and already, I'm starting to feel a bit of separation anxiety coming on. I know I'll have a tough time adjusting but I've done it before (after giving birth to my eldest) and I know the difficulty doesn't last very long. As long as I focus on my purpose, I'll be fine.
So now I'm back in the market, looking for work. If I can find something that's less demanding than what I used to do (nevermind if I have to suffer a slight pay cut), that would be a great bonus. Otherwise, I believe I'm ready to face the challenge again. A huge part of me can't wait to be financially independent like I used to. I can't begin to say how much my self-esteem has suffered since I decided to stay home.
Hopefully my girls will understand when they're older. I know one of the things I'm going to teach them is the value of self-reliance. I want my girls to grow up fully-aware of their capabilities and strengths.
Wish me luck on my jobhunt!
P.S.
You can read the rest of Ms. Salonga's email HERE.
I can't help but comment. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's admirable that you're fighting for what you want. It's not even a question of whether or not you earn anymore. It's a lot of things, like you mentioned. Being independent. As I've read from your previous entries, you're a well-educated woman (think UAAP post heehee). You deserve to throw yourself to the world and make your education valuable. Contrary to what others believe, being a working parent does not make your less of a person. Your girls may not necessarily understand nor accept right away, but when they do grow up, when they're in high school, in college, and much later on in their lives, I believe they will be truly grateful and proud that their mom was determined to be her own person.
That, again, is admirable! :)
Hey Angel...thanks for the reassurance. One things's for sure, motherhood is no easy task. Working or not, a mom is forever faced with challenges and difficult choices. At the end of the day, you need to choose not just what's best for your family but also for yourself so you can give them your best. =)
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