I learn something new each time from my 15 year old.
Whether it's about the latest in teen fashion, music, teenage issues ... I'm always open to hearing from her and finding out what makes her (and other kids her age) tick. I may not always agree or find her stories amusing, because I'm still very much an old-school Mom, thanks to my parents who were overprotective of me when I was growing up. But I'd like to think that I'm more relaxed with Anissa, compared to how my parents were with me.
Without compromising the basics (i.e. discipline, priority, responsibility), I've allowed her to enjoy teenage life so far. Maybe I'm still not as liberated as other parents, but I don't think I'm unreasonable either.
Last week, my parenting skills were tested when she asked permission to go to her first party. I thought it was a party that she was invited to. After asking her the usual questions, I realized that it was an OPEN PARTY that she wanted to go to with her friends. For the life of me, I didn't know what the h*ll an open party was! I had to Google it to find out what it meant. I also asked other parents of teenagers what their take on it was. Sadly for Anissa, I ended up saying "no". After researching and asking for opinions, I found out that an open party is basically that. It's OPEN in the sense that anyone with Php 300 to pay for the entrance fee can get in, and it's "free for all" from then on. Alcohol is served, there's no adult supervision around. Bouncers? Sometimes the organizers hire them, sometimes they don't. It sounded way too much for a 15-year old to be allowed to go to. PLUS, I felt very uncomfortable about the fact that this party was to be held at the Penthouse unit of a residential condominium. The venue was too private for an open party, if you get what I mean.
As expected, she sulked about my decision at first. But a friend was right when she told me, "She'll get over it." Anissa was back to her normal self in no time. I then explained to her why I chose not to let her go. She reiterated to me that she doesn't like cigarettes or alcohol and that she could be trusted not to try these out when my back is turned. I don't doubt any of it. I told her that it was the circumstances which I didn't like/trust. Not her. I'm sure it sounded all the same to her even after I explained my side of things. But at the end of the day, a parent will always do what's best for his/her children, no matter how ridiculous it may seem or sound to the kids.
I know I'm far from the finish line as far as these issues are concerned. I have to admit, I was slightly stressed out while trying to decide whether to allow her or not. A huge part of me didn't want to disappoint her, knowing all too well what it feels like to be told NO. But I had to be wise as well. As a parent, we are 101% responsible and I don't want to make any decisions that are purely based on emotions.
Am I making it sound so complicated? Scary, even? I hope I haven't discouraged any of my readers from having kids. It's a challenge, of course. No parent can ever say that raising a teenager (these days) is a piece of cake.
But I must take on the challenge with confidence and pray for guidance. One day, Anissa and I will both look back and laugh at the stories. Hopefully.
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